In the beginning, Steve Jobs created the personal computer. Soon after came AOL, electronic mail, and most importantly internet porn. Then at some point, in the horrendous landscape of dial-up and chain emails, thus emerged the first blog. Blogging is, in my opinion, the first step towards the decline of the intelligence of humanity. From this outlet arose a new “special snowflake” generation that birthed and utilized social media to create the illusion of importance and the perfect life, yet it only encourages consumerism, insecurity, and those disgusting ‘fit teas’ that make you shit liquid for a week.
I can’t complain too much because I do partake in social media. In fact, I see it as a fun way to meet people and express yourself, as long as you don’t allow it to take over your life the way it often does to women my age (Exhibit A, Exhibit B). Though I am a slut for a good article, I’ve always thought of modern blogging as being a useless hobby for the maternal or vain (Nobody wants to hear about what you ate last night or your child’s first shit in the big boy potty). I’ve always taken an interest in fashion, travel, holistic living, dating/sex horror stories and successes, and just tips making it through life as a quirky, broke, and sufficiently lazy young woman living in Silicon Valley.
Then it dawned on me that there weren’t any ‘no-bullshit’ blogs covering these things, and as I hesitantly brought up the idea to friends, family, and the couple thousand acquaintances on my Instagram, the feedback was overwhelming. People seemed to love the idea of turning my endless Tessa Rants™ into more coherent and optionally accessible posts. I’ve been trying to find some way to keep from losing my mind on an island where people run on “Maui time” and there’s nothing to do after 9:30 pm except drink warm Coronas and hard cider at the beach with my 3 friends and it seems like I’ve finally found it.
I’m not committing to weekly posts or anything yet, but I’ve already got a couple posts in the works ranging from “The Tinder Do’s, Don’ts, and How the F**k Do People Think That Works” to “How to: Manifest like a Mofo”. My goal of this blog is to help a hoe-in-need and supply advice and insight through examples and cautionary tales and help dudes understand what girls are really thinking, so strap in and prepare yourself to enter the uncomfortably explicit and crazy life of an awkward teen blogger.